Hanukkah is the favorite holiday of most children because it revolves around gifts. Although the derivation of this custom is not deeply entrenched in Jewish sources, it has become an inseparable part of the festival.

Giving and sharing, of course, are part and parcel of the Jewish way. On Hanukkah, there are many ways to spread light and many types of light to spread.

While the candles are burning brightly, the “Woman of Valor” of every home, can become a living commentary of the biblical verse:

“Pihah patchha be’hochmah ve’Torat hessed al leshonah”- Her mouth is full of wisdom and the Torah of loving kindness is on her tongue."

(Prov. 32:26)

The Rabbis ask: what is ‘Torah of loving kindness’? Is there a Torah of loving kindness as opposed to a Torah that is not of loving kindness? They reply that ‘Torah of loving kindness’ is that which is not simply studied but also shared. Once we have learned we are obligated to teach.

I’d like to share with you a meaningful experience which I undertook with each of my children as they entered the threshold of leadership upon becoming Bat or Bar Mitzvah. This endeavor can be transposed as a different take on Hanukkah gift giving.

When our oldest daughter, Shira Leah's, Bat Mitzvah approached, we deliberated for a long time about how to mark this important passageway in her life from childhood to adulthood– from voluntary to compulsory observance of mitzvoth.

In the absence of established ceremonies in traditional Judaism to mark the entrance of a young woman into the annals of Jewish adulthood, we sought innovative ways to make the event meaningful. We began by embarking upon a course of study.

We began the process on her eleventh birthday. Rather than concentrating on a specific text, we chose to explore the biographies of great Jewish women. The message was clear. In addition to understanding the laws and customs that accompany the coming of age as a Bat Mitzvah, our study was designed to emphasize entry into the rank and file of the Jewish community and assumption of both responsibility and leadership. Since the specific nature of the public and communal role of Jewish women is an open question, our study was designed to explore new vistas and to highlight the wide variety of possible leadership models.

Each month we chose a different woman as our focus. We began with the biblical period, learning about Deborah the Judge, and Hulda the Prophetess. From the Hellenistic period, we chose Judith, and from the Talmudic period we studied Beruriah and Shlomtzion Hamalkah. Sarah Shneirer and Henrietta Szold were the women we encountered from the modern period. In addition to prominent women from the various historical periods, Shira interviewed her two grandmothers, in order to learn from them about their own mothers (her great-grandmothers) for whom she is named.

Shira wrote an essay on each of these figures, in order to share with others.  We collected the essays and printed a booklet, which we gave out at the Bat Mitzvah celebration where Shira made a siyyum – a ceremony for the completion of a learning project.

We decided to call this booklet, Shira's personal creation: “Chen vesechel tov b'einei Elohim veadam”; “Grace and Wisdom in the eyes of God and man” (Proverbs 3:4). The choice of title was the blessing we hoped Shira would always exemplify and share with the Jewish people.

Another fringe benefit of this project was the quality time I devoted exclusively to my oldest daughter. In families blessed with many children, it often happens that so much time is devoted to the needs of the younger children, leaving the older ones to their own devices. During the year prior to her Bat Mitzvah many precious hours each month were devoted exclusively to Shira. I remember fondly as the end of Kislev approached, that we had not had the chance to finish learning the Book of Judith. We decided to go out to a café where we stayed until we completed the book.

Our study of the book of Judith was a wonderful opportunity for mother-daughter learning in preparation of Bat Mitzvah as well as a chance to deepen our understanding of the festival of Hanukah.

This endeavor was central to the celebration of Shira’s Bat Mitzvah. However, it can easily be transposed to other celebrations, such as Hanukkah. The process is a two-tiered family affair. It begins by studying traditional texts about great luminaries and awe-inspiring events in Jewish history. It then continues by recording them in a creative, personal Hanukkah booklet.

Sharing this booklet with others, in the spirit of Hanukkah giving, is a fine opportunity to fulfill both “Her mouth is full of Torah wisdom” and “the Torah of loving kindness is on her tongue." (Prov. 32:26).